We have all been there. We’ve given our best, but our best has not been good enough and so we have felt defeated.
Or, for some of us, we may have literally been physically beaten, struck down and made to feel less; the subject of another’s fury.
There are some interesting similarities that I see between the two: We either emerge stronger and more resilient or we crumble and become broken and defeated. We either become a victor or a victim.
Life has a way of putting us all through a round or two of opposition. I’d like to meet the person who has never had a challenge in life. It is those that are able to walk through challenges and to learn the keys to resilience who are those who will thrive in the world, no matter where they are and what his happening to them.
So here are my four keys to being beaten but not broken…
- Learn Contentment.
Contentment? You may well ask. Why would I want to be content at being beaten, either metaphorically or literally? The point is not to be accepting of the state, but content with who you are in that state. The tendency is to compare yourself to others and to accept the thought that you are less or that you need to be more. The truth is that you are enough, in every situation. And unless you can learn contentment, learning to be at peace with yourself, no matter how good or bad your situation is, you are always going to feel beaten by life. But when you can accept those things that are outside of your control, and take action on those that are inside your control, then you will be content.
- Learn to be Objective
No matter what you are being told or the circumstances are screaming at you, learn how to be objective. Learn how to look at your situation through the eyes of others. To view the circumstances of your life and to ask the question, “Is this acceptable?”, “Would I let someone else go through this?”, “Have I given as much as I possibly could to this situation?”, “Where am I taking responsibility?”, “What can I change?”, “What can’t I change?”
- Learn to be Solutions Focussed
We either get broken by problems or we rise above them by finding solutions. If you focus on the drama, then drama is what you will get. Learn to focus on the solution to the problem. This was very clear to me one night when I was listening to the Emergency Mental Health worker talking to a distressed teenager. I expected her to ask questions about the suicidal ideation, but instead, she asked a lot of questions about the positive things in the young woman’s life, about her plans for the future etc. By doing this, she completely shifted the emotions of the moment from drama onto solutions. The teenager went from feeling suicidal to feeling more positive. Solution!
If you are being beaten in the game of life, then ask yourself some questions:
“Why is this happening?”, “How am I contributing?”, “How could I make this better?”, “What are my options for improvement?”
Athletes work diligently to perfect their performance and they do this through focus and practice. How could you be more focused and practice more?
- Learn to Honour Yourself
Remember, you are as important as anybody else. You never have to let go of what is most important to you to fit in with anyone. Honour yourself. Make sure you are being respected and cared for in every situation.
When you learn how to bounce back from life’s trials, how to focus on the positives, you are able to shift the pain of defeat. You are then able to be champions on in life.