I find that there is resistance that happens when we find our voice. A resistance that manifests when we say no, especially to those who are closest to us, to those we love.
Why is this? Why is it that the people who you love the most, disrespect you the most?
I had an issue in one of my relationships where I refused to hand over cash for what I considered to be a harmful habit. The person that wanted the money, had squandered their own money, then come to me to rescue them to supply their need. I held out for a few days, despite the constant badgering, hinting and outright requests for me to supply them so they could satisfy their desire.
Then finally, I caved and gave them what they wanted, with the limitation that this would be the very last time that I gave them money for that purpose. It was a small amount of money and I didn’t want to give it on principal, but I could see that for such a small amount of money I could ease one of their burdens.
Yes, I know, I enabled them again!
I am fully aware that I made a choice between peace for me and them getting their own way in that moment. And how many of us do this? Be it for a child or an adult?
Now you would think that they would be satisfied that I handed over the cash, wouldn’t you? That the struggle would have been over in that moment. However, the struggle merely intensified. My “Here it is but no more”, became the next whip with which to flog me and I had to weather storm number two!!
What this showed me was:
- When we give in to other’s demands they lose respect for us.
- When we set limits on others they will react negatively.
- It is hard not to be manipulated by other’s emotional blackmail.
This person then went on to attack my own personal choices of how I use my money, who I give it to and that they felt unloved because of those choices. Emotional manipulation! I recognised this straight up for what it was and I am still mad about this whole situation. Had I not caved in the past on this issue, I would not be in this situation. I had, in a moment of loving adoration, supplied them before for their weakness and undone all my credibility with them. What’s that saying about a “Double-minded man being unstable in all his ways?”
So what can I take away from this moment? What have I learned that I can practice in future?
Doing what is right is not always easy and not always clear cut, but when it is and I do, I must be prepared to weather the storm and to stay steadfast in my truth.
The truth is that:
- I have the right to choose how I spend money I have earned myself.
- I have the right to say no to anyone on any subject at any time and to change my viewpoint on any subject at any time and I don’t have to justify my choices.
- I have the right to give my money to whomever I wish if it is my money. I don’t have to give account if others are choosing not to give account for their personal choices of how they use their money.
- I have the right to bless whomever I choose and it is not a reflection on any other relationship.
So from now on, it will be a definite NO! for that person on that subject and thank you very much for the life lesson. I will endeavour to be a lot stronger next time.
As the Apostle James wrote…”So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”